dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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