Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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