It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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