Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
