shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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