I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we're making bets on your personal life
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
