I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
