I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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