You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize