he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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