he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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