What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
im on a boat
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