isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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