do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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