bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
