my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
