For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
