he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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