vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
