I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
