He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
