What a fucking waste of an outfit
what day is it and did you see me today?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
