Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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