Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
