So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
