I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
