I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
