I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
