I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize