So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
