just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
