So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize