Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
