why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
