ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
