if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is the high leading the old right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
