On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
