I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
