At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
