ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize