tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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