You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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