i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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