two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
