dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
