Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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