Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
