he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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