Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
