I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
