did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
did i walk over a car last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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