Sponge bath it is.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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