did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
PANTIES FOUND
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