a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
