Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
