He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
