just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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