Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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