Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize