Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
