Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
