I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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