Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
