Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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