I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
