We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
