Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
