My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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