i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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