i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
