You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
